You can have loving relationships, a good education, a successful career, and a life that looks perfectly fine from the outside, yet still feel disconnected inside. Feeling lost in life does not necessarily mean you have failed. It may mean you have been pursuing a version of success that no longer feels like yours.
But what do you do with that realization? Do you change everything, or do you first learn to be with the life you have? Sarah Collins and I explored that question, along with intuition, uncertainty, and what it really means to live fully.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
- External success may bring temporary happiness without resolving an inner sense of disconnection.
- Acceptance means acknowledging what happened, not approving of it or refusing to make changes.
- Intuition becomes easier to recognize when you observe your thoughts and learn your own bodily cues.
- When the future is unclear, practice awareness with small frustrations before making a drastic change.
Why success does not always feel fulfilling
Why can someone feel lost even after achieving everything they thought would make them happy?
We often expect something outside us to create the feeling we want inside. We think a relationship, a promotion, or a long-awaited goal will finally bring lasting happiness. And it might bring happiness for a little while. Then the feeling fades, sometimes much sooner than we expected, and we start searching for the next thing.
That keeps us living in a future moment: once I have this, then I can be happy. We miss what is happening now because we are always reaching for what comes next.
For me, the deeper question is not just, “What else do I need to achieve?” It is, “What is causing this struggle within me?” When you are feeling lost in life, it can help to look beyond your circumstances and get curious about who you are beneath everything you have been taught to pursue.
You worked as a civil engineer for more than 20 years before becoming an intuitive life coach. Was there a turning point?
It was gradual. Even in college, I knew I did not truly enjoy civil engineering, but I did not know what else to do. So I followed the path that seemed to make sense. I got married, had children, bought a house, earned more money, and kept moving forward.
About eight years ago, things began to shift internally. I started questioning what I believed about myself, life, and success. I realized I did not have to keep doing things simply because they made me look successful to other people.
My definition of success became much quieter. It is being able to go to bed with little worry about tomorrow or regret about yesterday. It is feeling content with life. That shift did not require me to abandon everything overnight. I still work part-time as a civil engineer, and I have found it easier to do that work now that I have accepted where I am.
How do we recognize when we are chasing society’s idea of success rather than our own?
Start by being honest about what matters to you, not what you think should matter. You can notice that you are unhappy without immediately deciding that your whole life has to change.
When something no longer feels authentic, ask what is happening internally as well as externally. Are you drawn toward a different life, or are you hoping a change will take away a feeling you have not yet allowed yourself to face? That distinction matters. A new job or a new place may be right for you, but neither is a guarantee that the struggle inside will disappear.
If you are trying to separate your own desires from expectations you have inherited, I have written more about finding your purpose when you feel lost.
Acceptance is not the same as giving up
If your current life feels wrong, how do you look inward without talking yourself into staying somewhere you should leave?
If you are in a horrible situation, I am not suggesting that you stay and search for a lesson in it. You can leave.
What I am talking about is the struggle we add when we fight with things we cannot change. Acceptance can be a difficult word, especially when something painful has happened. It does not mean you love what happened or that you think it was okay. It means acknowledging that it happened. You cannot change the past, but you can ask what you want to do from here.
That practice also applies to the small frustrations of everyday life. Notice where you are arguing with reality. If something is within your control, you may be able to change it. If it is not, can you let it be and decide how to move forward?
How to hear your intuition beneath your thoughts
You have said that life became your teacher. What does it mean to trust the guidance within you?
I learned from many spiritual teachers, but I never found one teaching that held every answer for me. Over time, I let my own experience and intuition guide what I needed to learn next.
That was not always easy because I initially expected intuition to sound like a thought. I sometimes mistook my hopes for a different future for inner guidance. For me, intuition feels more like a knowing that arrives before I begin explaining or analyzing it. I became more able to recognize it as I stopped treating every thought as the truth.
If you are feeling lost in life, how can you begin telling the difference between intuition and a thought you really want to believe?
You can start by noticing rather than immediately believing every thought. Then get familiar with how a simple yes and no feel in your body.
- Close your eyes and ask yourself a question with an answer you know is true, such as whether your name is your name. Notice any sensations.
- Ask a question with an answer you know is false. Notice whether your body responds differently.
- Use those familiar sensations as a starting point when you consider a more personal question.
It takes practice, and your sensations may not mean what you first assume. For example, I noticed tightness in my chest and initially thought that because it was near my heart, it signaled a yes. For me, it was actually a feeling of constriction, a sign that something did not resonate.
The point is not to adopt my interpretation of a sensation. It is to become curious about your own. If overthinking makes that difficult, this guide to distinguishing intuition from fear explores that question further.
Living fully includes the difficult feelings
What does living fully look like in an ordinary day?
It will look different for everyone. For me, it means engaging with the life I have rather than continually fighting it. When something upsets me, I can step back and ask, “What am I struggling with here? Why does this keep coming up for me?”
It does not mean being joyful every day. We want happiness and try to hold on to it, but life also brings sadness, discomfort, and other feelings we would rather avoid. Living fully means allowing those emotions to arise without making ourselves wrong for having them.
There can be so much pressure in spiritual spaces to stay positive. What happens when we make room for sadness instead?
If you need to cry and keep fighting it, you are not giving that feeling room to come through. It may be uncomfortable to let it arise, especially if you have held it down for a long time, but you do not need to add another layer of judgment on top of it.
I sometimes picture the body as a passage for energy. Our conditioning can create blocks, and we resist what we do not want to feel. Even a thought like “I should not be thinking this” adds another struggle. Try being the person who notices the thought and the feeling, without insisting that either should be different.
You also describe yourself as the awareness experiencing life, rather than only the body or the thoughts. How has that perspective changed things for you?
It helps me take a step back from what is happening. Thoughts and feelings are part of the human experience, but I do not have to make every one of them my identity. From my spiritual perspective, we are more than our physical bodies. That belief helps me meet life with curiosity, including the parts I might otherwise label bad.
What to do when you do not know what comes next
When someone knows their life no longer fits but cannot see the next step, how can they avoid rushing into a drastic decision?
Ask what feels so uncomfortable about the uncertainty. What are you trying to escape? Sometimes we jump into something new because we believe it will finally make us happy. I have done that myself. But moving quickly can keep us from understanding what we are holding on to or what this moment is bringing up.
See whether you can spend a little time with the uncertainty before deciding. Many of us find it difficult to be alone with ourselves because then we are alone with our thoughts, and those thoughts can feel very convincing. You do not have to believe everything your mind tells you while you are waiting for clarity.
What is one small step someone can take today if they are feeling lost in life?
Begin with something small that you cannot control. Notice your reaction to the weather or another driver. You might feel annoyed, and then you can notice the thought that says things should be different. You do not have to force yourself to feel peaceful. Just practice becoming aware.
That awareness builds over time. You will forget and get caught up in your thoughts again. I have, too. When you notice, simply begin again. You do not have to start by accepting the hardest thing in your life.
Then ask yourself what you can learn from the struggle you are in right now. If you are feeling lost in life, you do not need to have the entire path figured out before you take an honest next step.
And you are not behind. Your life does not have to look like someone else’s to be meaningful. If you would like more support reflecting on your direction, you can get my free Find Your Purpose in 5 Simple Steps guide, or explore Sarah’s reflections and coaching at Living Fully with Sarah.
